Finding myself...

Here I am, staring into the screen and occasionally to the garden outside this nice little space I've grown to like...most of the time, lost for words, struggling to put my whirlwind thoughts into words. Can I even began to dissect my thoughts or my emotions? Can we do that? Dissect or 'compartmentise' one of the most complex things in this world? Our hearts.

I have not been here, my blogspace, for sometime. I have not been blogging because it takes time, both to type and to think of how to type the stuff I want to say in the way closest to what I feel. Or am I just complicated?

These past few months have been...surprising in many ways. I found myself being given new responsibilities, both at work and personally. I found myself fallen in love and yet being afraid if I have made the right decision. I found myself taking chances and yet uncertain at times. I found myself a little scared of the beliefs I have yet having hopes for good things. I found myself feeling sorry for someone yet knowing it didn't have anything to do with me. I found myself new levels of patience. I found myself weak in some situations yet seeing how much Grace I have been shown. I found myself trying to battle the evil within me and yet at times, my attempts seemed feeble and I failed. I find myself unable to answer the difficult questions but yet knowing there is a God and the pursuit of Truth is really really a tough journey. I find myself asking a lot of questions and yet believing easily at times. I find myself having new strengths to carry on after a storm. I find myself unable to explain the strengths to persevere.

I find myself remembering a series I watched and loved during my schooling years - Anne of Green Gables.For those of you who loved this, I'm sure the more you'll remember him - Gilbert Blythe. Don't we all, girls, hope to meet our very own Gilbert Blythe one day? I do. I find myself hoping that he knows..and believes.