Ever felt everything seem to come tumbling down? Ever felt lost? Directionless? In desperate moments? Hit by sudden disappointments and wounds so deep? Betrayl of trust? Cried til your eyes are swollen and your jaw hurt? Felt helpless...weak?
There are many points in life I went through at least some of them but at this point in life, Im going through all at the same time. What happened? Im gonna be jobless by the end of this month if I don't soon get a job within 3 weeks. The client has decided not to continue with the second season...long story. And the best, I just quit my job last month to take up this offer and now, at a sudden twist, there's a big possibility to be jobless. I'll still have a job this month by assisting in another project, thanks to the graciousness of my boss. The reality of it is, I cant even afford to be jobless for a month, no such thing as taking a break or take my time as I have bills to pay monthly and I cant get my family to support as we are not well to do type.
A generous being gave my sis a laptop recently and in desperate times like this, I thought I could get a good use of it as I need to search for job or i could well make use of it to write part-time and send my articles out. And guess what? Laptop also gave up on me!
The best part to add to all this, a friend I trusted so much whom I have noticed been trying to avoid me past few weeks, suddenly decide that our friendship should end cos it's never gonna work out even as friends after almost 3 years we parted. How wonderful the timing of him to drop such news and say its for betterment of both! Its like being given up a second time by the same person...felt like a fool. On my side, it does so much to my self esteem that I have been put so low as if Im such a terrible human that someone decided to give up on me despite what has been said before. Empty words, empty promises...people just walk out from your life and saying goodbye seemed so easy, so cheap.
Why oh why Lord? Indeed, I have nothing at all but You and my help, only comes from You and You alone. Please hear my prayers, my laments, my tears...pain is so real. I cant do anything without You, help me please Jesus.
Im desperate for You in times like this...where my eyes cannot see, my ears cannot hear and my soul cannot feel but life must go on. My faith is so small...