Monday, August 15, 2005

Picking up the pieces...of narcissism

Am reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. Recommend it

Many parts moved me to tears as I could very well relate the events and characters in that book, especially Morrie, to my own life. My grandma's condition is very much like him...the only difference, she does not see life the way Morrie did.

Im picking up my pieces of shattered self esteem, trying not to let it affect me as badly as when I lost it all once and sunk into low self esteem. Many questions arised and flashbacks hit me more and more as the days passed, pushing me to deal with them with struggle most times. I have never experienced someone walking out my life deliberately and it isnt as simple as just letting it slide after so many years. It does a lot to a person...its either i let it slide now and deal with it when it surface later within me or I deal with it now, for once and for all.
Been asking myself, how terrible a person i must have been that someone who knows me so well can decide to go. Those words said still lingers and they do some piercing jobs to the heart. Perhaps no one can see me and accept me for the weaknesses I have in me? Perhaps I am a difficult person to deal with after all? Making life tough for others? How do i ever fit in to the world?
In times like this, I thank God for bigger worries so that no matter what, I cannot wallow in disappointments too long, at least not letting it eat me. But when I lie down at night, I still think about the friend who has left and asked, What happened? What have I done? How could he do this? I must have been so difficult a person
Recovering - moving on, I shall let it least, for now. Patience, I must learn...Strength, I must have

p/s: an expression of gratitude to jessey, joy, and the 2 guys in section 17


Sprite said...

I sympathise with your pain...Let yourself be at ease and God will give you rest...

Stop beating and blaming yourself up and whoever that person is,judging as i read this might be a continuation of the previous entry. A person will never think it positively if they allow too much emotions to sway them.

When the time gets tough, the tough Christian gets tougher. You have to move on and God will be at your side always.

Mavik said...

Sometimes in order for God to build you up, he has to completely break you down and then the process of building can start. Its the same as how a clay pot whilst being made, if there is a defect or mistake in making it the potter has to start all over again.

Remember, God is the potter and you are the clay.

WH said...

That be a very good book. Was reading it for fun coz it was lying around. The text are big so it's a rather short and easy read. Lotsa lesson can be drawn from it.

How are you holding up in this time of chaos?

melo-jo said...

pssst. you've been tagged.