Books speak...

Strive to choose, not that which is easiest, but that which is most difficult. Do not deprive your soul of the agility which it needs to mount up to Him
-St John of the Cross
(taken from Discipline - The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot)

I'm currently reading Out Of The Comfort Zone & Into Missions by George Verwer, a book all the Penang port Volunteers got for free during our 2 weeks on-board Doulos 5 years ago, alongside the book above. For me, one of the most 'audible voices' of God can be heard through books & films.

I'm in the midst of a struggle within, my heart should not feel this way. One of the hardest things to control is one's heart, feelings & emotions. I was once horrible at this area. I have two options, both are equally hard. In the past, I would have chosen and infact, have chosen one of the options. These days, I choose the other option, with God as the focus. Bringing every tear, every rambling, every pain, every possible emotions which I can't comprehend to Him and say, please take them. God's ways have proven to be tougher and much more challenging because it is not natural for a weak and frail human to allow another 'Person' to take control, which often times means to not do or say the things I would otherwise be doing or saying.

I hope I get through this soon. I really do not wish to go through the unnecessary struggles of emotions and every other thing that may follow.

There are bigger things in life that awaits and to live for. I'm beginning to feel the excitement and nervousness of the upcoming Sarawak Missions Trip. I leave on Monday night for a week. Sap-sap sui for some of you out there lah but my heart's pounding and I realised, I'm really not ready both physically and spiritually but I'm really looking forward to live amongst the Ibans and to meet with God. Let The Book speak...